When I began my natural journey, I was fortunate to have the support of my husband, family members, and close friends. However, my biggest cheerleader turned out to be the smallest member of our family–my almost-six-year-old son, Dean.
I’d never really considered how HUGE of an impact returning to natural would have on my son. I mean, we’ve seen the beautiful photos of mamas and their natural mini-mes; we’ve read the countless posts on how meaningful a journey it’s been for women who get to share the road with their daughters. But what about the sons? Did changing one’s hair impact the men-in-training who’d much rather play with trucks that watch Mama’s hair growth? The answer surprised, enlightened, and encouraged me far more than I could ever imagine.
Dean, my only child, changed my life for the better from day one. He and I share an amazing bond–we are both sensitive and loving, yet strong and fearless. Besides being super smart, he can make a friend wherever he goes and doesn’t have a shy bone in his body. My little guy also possesses an unusual sense of self for someone so young…his perceptiveness doesn’t allow him to miss much.
However, my only boy is definitely a boy’s boy–he loves video games, running and playing…pretty much any “boy-oriented” activity goes right up his alley. So imagine my shock when I walked in from my BC (big chop), and he shouted, “Mom, you cut your hair!!! It looks AWESOME!!!!” Not only did he notice, he made his feelings about it crystal clear (LOL). How could I not be confident about my short curls after getting such an enthusiastic response?
As my natural hair journey has continued, Dean hasn’t shied away from giving his honest opinions and solid encouragement. He loves my hair whether it’s perfectly curly after a wash and go, slicked back into a puff for work, or in its big afro glory. Not only does he watch my hair’s evolution with fascination, but he also insists on nothing but natural products in his own hair (Shea Moisture Curl and Style Milk is his favorite).
So how do we as natural mamas foster this kind of acceptance and appreciation for natural hair in our sons? Here are a few things that I do consistently with my son:
Answer their questions: Kids are natural investigators, and they are not shy when trying to figure things out…like how Mama’s afro got so big! Answering their questions honestly. For mom’s with sons this doesn’t mean you’re turning him son into a girl; you are building a net of trust with your son that will extend far beyond his understanding of how you got your hair to twist like that.
Show them positive images of natural-haired women: Our sons AND daughters are constantly bombarded with images of girls and women with straight, long hair, but we as mothers can show our children beautiful alternatives. Now, this doesn’t mean that you have to put your kid through a “Natural Deprogramming Bootcamp”, but when they say, “Mama, her hair is like yours!”, reply “Yes, and she’s so cute with her natural hair,” or something to that effect.
It’s been said that we can learn so much from children, and my son Dean has proven that for sure! His unconditional acceptance of the natural me as his first female role model bodes well for his future relationships. My son will grow up appreciating the beauty of a woman’s lush, wild, and beautiful kinky curls. Even more importantly, he will value the importance of accepting himself without the stresses of trying to conform to European standards.
READ: Sesame Street Sings “I Love My Hair”
My boy loves my hair no matter what state it’s in, but he believes that my natural curls are “the most beautiful of all”. As a natural mama raising a future doctor, lawyer, singer, and President (his words), it doesn’t get any better than that.
Quiandra Marcella says
That is so beautiful
DIONE DWYER says
I have two girls and a boy,… the responds from them was a little different. I don’t know if the difference between and boy and girl could be so opposite,.. but then again maybe it could be the age difference also. The girls are teens and my boy is 8,.. When I did my BC, I had locked dreads before but I still wasn’t satisfied so I decided to go all the way back to my roots so to speak… back to when I remember how simple it was to have my hair this way. Even with months of warnings cause I know how my children dread change,… when i came home after my Big Chop,.. my daughters didn’t warm up to the Idea as well as I though even weeks later they still wondered why I did it,.. but just about the same time my son who is so innocent and who I though would not have an opinion whatsoever was surprised and very appreciative of how I looked when I did my BC,.. weeks and months later I did a wash an go where, after the day was done and I was home laying in the bed he was playing in my hair and the compliment he gave me made me realized that I wasn’t making a big mistake. He loved it and said my hair was soft and fluffy, it made me 🙂 and I said thank my love…
Oh Dione!!! That was so sweet. Your comment really warmed my heart.
Hair Therapy Inc. says
My son loves the fact that the women in his life are natural. he’s always been around me when I’v worked with my clients and has even encouraged some of them to go natural with his straight up comments, like I like your hair better curly or Why did you get all of that stuff in your hair, it stinks. (Out of the mouths of babes, lol) He always compliments my hair and his sisters. And there are times when I find him sitting behind me on the couch just so he can play in my hair. I say that either he is going to be a hairdresser or love his women chemical free, either way at 12, he’s the bees knees.