When I started my natural hair journey, I was pregnant with my daughter. My decision didn’t have much to do with my pregnancy. I decided to go natural before I even knew I was pregnant. My reason to stop relaxing my hair was simple. I felt like my last relaxer left my hair feeling thin and damaged, and I wanted a future with edges. That was all.
A few months after that decision, I decided to do the big chop. It was awesome, especially since I was about 5 months pregnant and it was summer. There is nothing like the ease of a super short hairstyle when you are tired, hot, and pregnant. My decision to chop my hair off felt liberating.
I declared I would never turn back.
A year later, I chopped my hair off again after a bad experience with a hair stylist that left my hair pretty damaged. That second chop was no biggie. I felt like the length of my hair didn’t matter much at that point, so despite my frustration with the damage done to my hair, I chopped it with ease and life went on.
Read: 5 Things People Think When You Big Chop
Now it’s been 3 years since that second chop and I am having serious doubts about this natural hair journey. I even have days where the thought of relaxing my hair again comes to mind. I never thought those thoughts would resurface. I mean, I am natural and proud. I love my thick coils. My 3-year old daughter loves my coils.
Why would I disrupt all of this hair-loving energy with a relaxer?
Why? Because I hate doing my hair.
I have always hated styling my hair. When I had a relaxer, I was a wrap and go kind of girl. I rarely used curling irons or flat irons. I rarely did anything fancy unless I had someplace special to go. And when the wrap and go wasn’t looking great, I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and threw on some lip-gloss—leaving me ready to take on the world.
I miss how simple it was to take care of my hair back then.
You see, caring for my thick coils takes up A LOT of my time. Time that I really don’t have to spare. And even if I did have the time, I still don’t think I’d want to spend it on my hair. I’d much rather read a book, take a kickboxing class, or catch up on episodes of Scandal. Doing my hair just isn’t a priority. I don’t think it ever will be.
So here I am, with damaged hair again, and this time, I don’t have a stylist to blame. I am the culprit. I haven’t been taking the best care of these coils. I’ve been falling asleep without even giving my hair a second thought, only to wake up with hair that looks dry and neglected. My hair is probably pissed off at me right now, and rightfully so. I’ve abused it knowing that it deserves so much better.
And don’t get me wrong, I love my natural hair. I love all my coils. I love my edges (boy, do I love my edges). With so much love for my hair, the idea of getting another relaxer scares the mess out of me. What if it damages my hair again? What if it messes up my sensitive scalp? What if it damages my daughter’s perception of her own hair? So many concerns to consider.
Read: How I Re-Grew My Edges
So what’s next? Right now I have a protective style that I love. These crochet braids are allowing my hair and scalp to rest, and they are also giving me the time I need to think. With each passing day, the thought of a relaxer seems less and less likely. Despite my frustrations with my growing, natural hair, I just can’t bring myself to do it. Talk about taking the hair abuse to another level. I love my hair too much for that.
But I can’t tell you that I have what it takes to take care of long, natural hair in the way that it needs to be taken care of. Especially not long, natural hair that happens to be extremely dry (I could put a bottle of oil in my hair and it wouldn’t even look oily the next day).
With a relaxer seeming unlikely, and healthy, long hair feeling like a long shot, I think another short do might be in my future. I can honestly say that the best part about going natural has been my ability to let go of my attachment to the length of my hair. I still like how I look with long hair, but I can rock a short look with confidence, too. That makes me smile.
So although I’ve been tempted by how easy it was to style my relaxed hair, I just don’t think I am tempted enough to go down that road again. Having natural hair is a lot of work, but I have come to find that easy route is often the most damaging one. Sometimes the things we need the most require us to put in some extra effort—or get a cut and rock a short do if the extra effort isn’t working for us.
Bio
Martine Foreman is a lifestyle and relationship expert who is dedicated to helping women create healthier, happier lives. Through her lifestyle blog, candidbelle.com, Martine shares impactful content that inspires women to take action so they can create lives they love. Martine is also a contributor to blackandmarriedwithkids.com and madamenoire.com.
You look very pretty and your baby girl is a looker also.
Hang in there! I’ve been natural for almost 4 yrs now and, while I agree that it takes much more time to properly take care of my hair, I would never go back. My hair is probably considered 4a/4b (maybe even 4c in places) but I hate typing hair. Let’s just say it’s very tightly coiled and can look like a mini cotton patch if I don’t condition and pamper it. I love that my hair is now past my shoulders so I can blow dry it and flat iron it if I want a bouncy straight look, I can do twist outs and rod sets to get a wonderful spiral curl effect, and I can pull it back in a pony tail if all else fails.
When I decided to go natural because I didn’t want to use anymore harsh chemicals on my hair and scalp, and was tired of putting my health in harms way (because of the toxins that are partially absorbed into your body through your scalp), I didn’t do the “big chop.” I just wore micro braids intermittently and trimmed my hair until my natural hair was long enough to style. It’s not fun that it takes me about 2 hrs to do my hair after I wash it and that I have a bathroom closet full of natural hair care products that didn’t work for me. But now that I’ve settled into a routine that works, I love to run my fingers through my natural hair and still get a kick out of experimenting with new styles. I’m no longer afraid to go on vacation without a curling iron and hat because of the humidity, and if I get caught in the rain I know how to take care of that too. There are enough natural styles that I can do myself that I can look professional no matter what the weather.
Going and staying natural is a journey, but it’s a much healthier one that perming.
I’m at that point. I’m absolutely sick of my tightly coiled hair. I thought natural hair would be easier but it isn’t. It takes too much time to do. Because I have to wash my hair at least weekly because of dermatitis, crochets aren’t worth putting in. Twists don’t last and I can’t “rock” the Afro. So after 4 years natural I’m going back to the relaxer. Good luck with yours
Victoria i understand what you are feeling…why dont you try the natural relaxer by ancient hair secrets? Even if your hair still go back to the way it was (natural) when you shampoo, its still better than those chemicals relaxer…
Love
Victoria I’m with you girl. It’s been 6 years for me and at this point I’m just over it. My hair is healthy but has not achieved the length that I’ve seen others achieve. What I can attest to is that my hair has gotten so much healthier but now that the weather is hot and I’m just about over weaves and frontals, I’m ready to just have easy hair for the times when I want to be weaveless with ease of hair care and styling. I kinda miss my wrap and go’s and my quick ponytail up do’s. Let me know how your experience went. I’d love to know. I’m relaxing next week since I just took my weave out and wanted to give my hair a good ole moisturizing treatment.